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Voodoo Insurance

Category: Just Jokin'
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Just when we thought it was safe to go out again... another threat rears its ugly head. Fortunately protection has arrived... Voodoo Insurance is finally available. Find out why you need it!

Is Voodoo Insurance like traditional insurance?

Let’s face it… Voodoo isn’t like any traditional kind of threat – like fire, flood, car accidents or disease. If any of those bad things happen to you, insurance will only pay for your loss. But if you are the victim of Voodoo, you could be turned into a zombie – yikes! And even if you got paid, that’s no good… all you could end up being is a very rich zombie, and well… you get the picture. So Voodoo Insurance is different… Voodoo Insurance is protection! Voodoo Insurance permanently protects you from all the bad effects of Voodoo… so you never have to worry about being turned into a zombie – ever.

I don’t know anyone who uses Voodoo. Why do I need Voodoo Insurance?

Thanks to the Internet Voodoo practitioners are now everywhere. And through the Web these Voodoo people are selling spell casting services to anyone – spells that can threaten you. That’s scary. And what is even worse, since Voodoo is so powerful, a Voodoo spell can be cast from thousands of miles away and still hit you right in the keister. With Voodoo insurance it don’t mean squat. You are protected 24/7 365 – forever. That’s even longer than zombies live!

How do I know Voodoo Insurance really works?

Good question! And the answer is really simple. Today we can certify that 100% of our clients have never been turned into a zombie – and they never will. Thanks to Voodoo Insurance.

What if I don’t believe in Voodoo?

Research has proven that one of the first spells Voodoo practitioners cast on an unsuspecting victim is to trick their mind into NOT believing in Voodoo! But don’t worry, even if you have fallen victim to this early stage of Voodoo you can still qualify for Voodoo Insurance. (No medical exam or questionnaire required.) And the best part is even if you continue not believing in Voodoo, once you have Voodoo Insurance you will never, ever be turned into a zombie. Now that’s piece of mind!

Dick's Jokes

  • Two Meet At A Bar

    A car salesman sits down at a bar next to a hooker.

    He orders a drink and says: "If I don't sell some cars I'm going to lose my ass."

    The hooker looks at him and says: "Yeah... well if I don't sell some ass I'm gonna lose my car."

  • Whore Or A Bitch?

    The difference between a whore & a bitch?

    A whore fucks everyone at the party. The bitch? Everyone but you.

  • And The Moral of the Story Is...

    One day the teacher asked the class to think of a story that has a moral that the class could learn something from. Little Suzy raised her hand to go first. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs in a basket, then put it in the back of the truck to drive to town and sell. One Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and landed on the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

    Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

    Next up was Little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, but he could only grab a case of beer, a machine gun and his survival knife. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. He end up landing right in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers. So he pulled out his machine gun and managed to shoot 60 of them until he ran out of ammo! Then he pulled out his survival knife and killed 30 more. But the blade snapped off, so he had to kill the last ten with his bare hands."

    The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Little Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

  • Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut

    One day two boys were walking through the woods when they came upon some rabbit shit. The first boy asked his friend: "What's that?"

    "'They're smart pills," his friend told him. "Eat one and it'll make you smarter." So the boy popped one in his mouth and said: "Yech. This tastes like shit."

    "See," said his friend, "you're getting smarter already."